Archive for July 18th, 2017

Who Am I?

I am at a crossroads. A crossroads of tenuous grasp on who I am. So many choices I have made and so many paths yet untaken. Each shaping and molding an image that I don’t recognize. And, time, not feeling a support right now, ticks onward. Each second, each hour counting down to the inevitable end.

Do I do enough? Do I honor all areas of my life? And, if I say “yes” to these queries, am I being honest with myself?

I thought that what was offered would somehow make a difference. But, does it really? Or, is it only a difference made in my own expectations and judgments?

I look at the lives that surround me, some I wish for, others I am content to be only observer. Does that give any more definition to who I am within the world?

Once I had grand ambitions and true to my style everything was laid out; a blueprint even down to my home. Those ambitions took on new forms and blessings came in what was least expected.I would not change any of that. I know this has made me who I think I am. Is there a distinction between who I think and who I truly am?

Once I costumed myself in expressions of who I wished to be and lost myself in the music that served as the sound score for my actions. Then, there was no need to define myself, because I was a shape shifter; a chameleon who took on the persona of whoever was scripted.

If I step outside of the restraints and perceived limitations of who I have become, does that make me more authentic, more real? Or, does that make me more vulnerable to really seeing who I am?

So I stand at a crossroads of my own making. Everything that has come before and all the wishes of what could be converging into this center point of “me”. Do I have the courage to open my eyes and look at myself in this present moment? Or, do I flee to the blindness of not wishing to gaze at my self-reflection?…..

Photo Credit: The Lonely Chair by Sam Root

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